Psalm 51: a reflection

Wow. 

What a reality this passage is in my life. Such a wake-up call. 

I am...

Shattered

Undeserving

Selfish

Unappreciative

Sinful

Prideful...

...and I act as though I deserve God's grace, mercy, and unfailing love. 

Why? 

This seems to be a question I've asked myself a lot lately. I don't deserve anything God so graciously provides. But, He is generous in love and gives more than I can ever begin to imagine or ask for. The moment something goes wrong is the moment I begin to notice what I lack instead of rejoicing continually, as God has called me to.  

I love this psalm that David wrote. So much beauty portrayed in few words:

"Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb; you taught me wisdom in that secret place."

"...let the bones you have crushed rejoice!"

"My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise."

God knew I was going to be all of the above mentioned characteristics and so much more! From before my existence He desired faithfulness and knew I'd never be able to live up to that expectation. But, He still chose to love me and send Jesus to die for me, despite my shortcomings. Not only that, He blessed me with wisdom to discern right from wrong. He created me to live for Him but gave me free will to choose. 

I choose to sing a new song, to praise the God who deserves more praise than I can offer, yet accepts my broken spirit as it is. What a gracious Father. What a celebration to be had!

I am overwhelmed and overcome by joy that is only found in Jesus. In the best of days and the worst of days, His arms are wide open, calling for me to run to Him so He can provide rest. So, yeah, I don't deserve anything God graciously provides. I deserve death. "You're the One I've violated, and you've seen it all, seen the full extent of my evil. You have all the facts before you; whatever you decide about me is fair." But, that's what I love about grace. That's what I love about the gospel. And that's why I choose to rejoice. 

"And we will sing out, hallelujah. And we will cry out hallelujah. 

Shout it; go on and scream it from the mountains. Go on and tell it to the masses; that He is God."

Revival.

I am seriously ready for revival. I'm open to God stripping even more away from me. I'm ready to go outside the ordinarily comfortable box I call life for God to radically transform me. I don't know how and I know it won't be easy but when I can't, God proves He can.

On June 12, 2013 I commit to be different. I commit to take a stand for Jesus. I commit to get uncomfortable to make His name known. I commit to be selfless as opposed to selfish. And, I commit to studying His word and conversing with Him, daily.

I don't take this commitment lightly. I want to be changed. I want to see change. I'm ready for revival. 

Patmos: Awakening

Patmos: Awakening.  

"Awake, you who sleep, arise from the dead, and Christ will give you light." Ephesians 5:14

Words can't begin to describe this past weekend's experience.  Life has been quite the whirlwind lately.  Change has been constant and bittersweet.  There have been both challenges and celebrations but through it all, I have been overwhelmed and stressed... until now.  My attitude has changed.  My focus has been redirected.  My spirit has been refreshed.  My mind has been renewed.  My body has been rejuvenated.  My faith has been reignited.  Praise God for sending reminders of how big He is and how big I'm not.  Life's a journey, no doubt; and, with every circumstance we have the choice of how we want to respond.  I can't say my responses have been all roses and butterflies, lately.  In fact, most days, I feel like I may have lost my testimony; but, I'm ready for change.  I'm ready to STAND FIRM in Christ and WALK IN LOVE as Christ loved.  It's incredible what meditation on God's Word will do inside of someone.  It's amazing how fasting can encourage someone to fully rely on Jesus.  It's unfathomable that God loves someone when they doubt Him most.  It's unlike any relationship anyone has ever known.  It's eternal.  It's life-changing.  It's grace. It's JESUS.  The flame burning inside my soul has been lit again.  I'm ready to make a difference for the King!

This weekend consisted of many firsts for me.  Many adventures were taken and friendships were made that I will cherish forever.  My strength was questioned, my faith was tested.  Was it an easy journey?  Absolutely not.  Would I do it again?  A hundred times over, and over, and over again.  God blesses us with situations like Patmos to sharpen us so we may be better equipped to further His kingdom.  In the moment we may not understand why and we may question or doubt, but, He never said it was going to be an easy journey.  He assures us, however, that it is worth it.  We are called to run the race that Christ has set before us (1 Cor 9:24-27).  We are called to stand firm in Him and not let the desires of this world interfere with His plans (Eph 6:13).  We are called to walk in love like Jesus loved (Eph 5:2).  We are called to shine the light of Jesus to proclaim His good news (Eph 5:8).  Christ made it very clear, but why don't we do it?  Why don't we follow His commandments?  For me, I get caught up in what the world offers.  I get lazy.  I get worn out.  I slip, I fall, and it's a lot easier to stay down on the ground than to get back up and keep fighting.  Ephesians 6 discusses the armor we need to fight the battle set before us.  Romans 13:14 says, "But, put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make NO provision for the flesh to fulfill its lusts."  Scripture prepares us for the battle!  Psalm 119:11 states, "Your word I have hidden in my heart, that I might not sin against you."  I can rejoice in knowing that I can conquer anything that comes my way because through the power of the Lord Jesus Christ, I can do all things! (Philippians 4:13)  So, the question isn't are we strong enough; the question is, are we doing everything we can to prepare for the battle that Jesus is equipping us for?  Are you ready?